About two years ago a guy friend was lecturing me about my dating life and asked what I really wanted and needed in a guy. I paused and I thought about it, but I already knew.
“Dude. I need an alpha male.”
He was not happy with my answer and actually laughed in my face. He laughed for a few reasons. First, because we have a pretty bad stereotype of what an alpha male is, contrary to popular belief he’s not a knuckle dragging Neanderthal. Second, he knows that I’m an alpha female and putting two alphas together could be a recipe for disaster. Could be. Thankfully, I’ve used a lot of my single time to not only get drunk and dance, but to also think about myself and what I really want.
I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m a “unique” babe. I said in my last post I’m a girl in a Lamborghini going 100 mph with a cheeseburger in one hand, a martini in the other and a broken navigation system. But because I’m that girl I always deal with two types of guys. The ones I run over and the ones I crash into because they’re driving equally as fast.
You can imagine how both of those situations end. Spoiler alert- I’m still single.
My friends all laugh and tell me I have a knack for finding the worst guys ever. I’m not going to lie, I get a little offended because I have to say the guys I’ve liked and the guys that have liked me have all been awesome. I’ve actually been very fortunate. But it can’t work out with everyone, that’s life.
My problem was not that I was attracting bad guys, but that I was putting up with bad behavior. Maybe it was the result of boredom, maybe it was loneliness, or maybe it was all that hair dye that was clouding my judgement. Either way, my bro bestie sat me down and told me that I needed to start avoiding these boys known as betas.
Ohhhhh, betas. If you aren’t aware (mom), betas are the opposite of alphas.
Betas are as basic as a girl wearing Ugg boots and a Burberry scarf in October. Whether they’re the introverted beta (they’re quiet and do everything you say) or the extraverted beta (they’re loud wannabe alphas) they all have one thing in common. They’re insecure.
These guys (and girls) are RULED by fear and are unwilling to learn anything because they think they already know everything. Betas have a serious lack of confidence, they’re selfish- everything has to be on their terms, and they NEVER follow-through. They can’t even commit to getting a drink let alone a relationship.
But there’s one beta in the dating game that’s especially dangerous, that’s the charmer.
I would know since I am one (hair flip). Charmers are smooth talkers, rarely hear the word no, and are pretty much perfect at manipulating people and situations to get what they want. Charmers are also good at sizing people up, usually takes 3 minutes and they’ll have you figured out before you even have your own self figured out. Trust me, we’re good and we know we’re good.
However, the danger with the charmer is that you have to figure out whether they’re an alpha charmer or a beta charmer. Yes, there’s a difference and yes, it can be confusing. Let’s put it in wizarding terms, charmers have some serious magical powers and you’re either dealing with a Harry Potter or a Voldemort.
Beta charmers are overcompensating because they’re trying to hide their insecurities. If you’re an alpha female you’re going to have to work extra hard to figure this out because betas are mystified by the alpha female. They’ll lay it on thick because they want to see if they can actually land this rare breed of babe. Be prepared for an onslaught of snaps, texts with a ton of emoji kissy faces and of course, 2am texts. Just remember that these guys are good and they’ll get away with it because they’ll use their charming super powers to assure you, you’re different! However, remember that selfish thing I talked about earlier, here it comes. They only want to see if they can win, victories are what define them and they want to see if their game is good enough to get you to fall for them. When they realize their game worked, they leave, because what they already know is that long-term they won’t be able to handle an alpha female. She’ll leave, because when the charm fades away all she’ll see are the insecurities. In short, these guys blow.
Alpha charmers are smart. REALLY smart. What they’re doing is using the lines, the jokes and the charm to essentially interview you. Alphas get bored easily, so they’re not going to string you along and keep you around, they’re going to run a good game to see if you can hang. If you can effortlessly get through the interview process, congratulations. You made it to the next round and you caught an alpha’s attention. But I mean it when I say it has to be effortless. We know when someone is really trying to play our game and we know when you’re trying too hard. You’ve either got it or you don’t.
I think a lot of times we end up spinning our wheels with betas, especially if we’re alphas. We wonder what we did wrong, we wonder why they don’t like us, we know we’re strong and we can break anyone down, so why can’t we break the beta? That answer’s easy, because they’re already broken.
Betas are mentally broken.
Mental strength is the major difference between the alpha and the beta. True alphas are self-aware and emotionally aware, two extremely important components that make for a successful leader. To be self-aware is to have a deeper understanding of the reasons why you act the way you do, it’s a whole lot more than saying you know what you are and aren’t good at. To be emotionally aware is to recognize and accept your own feelings as well as others. Men definitely have a harder time in this category- society says they’re soft if they get emotional. However, I will say the strongest men I know are the ones who are emotional, they know how to process their feelings and find a resolution. They don’t walk away from anything or bury it, they deal with it.
I was texting a beta the other night and I told him he was cocky . He told me he was overly confident, not cocky, and he said he’d tell me a story to explain why he was so confident.
I froze and stared at my phone and said I’ll be damned.
Before his comment I would have said he was 100% beta, after that comment he was 75% beta, 25% alpha, I was actually so excited for him that if I had his address I would have mailed him a cookie. Here’s why.
I get called cocky all the time, and so many times I have jumped to defend myself and have said, no, I’m not cocky, I have a story that will explain. It’s the self-awareness, and it’s rare if I talk to people who actually get it.
I struggled with this for a while because I couldn’t understand why people (mostly guys) would tell me I was intimidating. But after paying attention to conversations I’ve had with people, I get it now. If you talk to someone who is mentally strong they’re on another level and it’s intimidating if you can’t or don’t know how to reach that level they’re on. It’s like you’re talking to someone who has life figured out but you still struggle to tie your shoes each morning. It definitely makes people uncomfortable. Plus I throw some real curve balls. One minute I’m talking about the meaning of life and the next I’m talking about my period.
Because of my unique approaches to conversation and life, my friends will tell me I need to date an older guy because I need a leader and someone with experience. I personally think I’m a great leader, my squad always ends up drunk. But I think they think I need someone with a little more direction (boring) and stereotypically that comes with age. Unfortunately, I’ve gone out with plenty of older guys and it turns out Aaliyah was right. Age is just a number because all it really comes down to is mental strength, and some will develop that faster than others.
Mental strength comes from experience, but it’s how we choose to deal with those experiences that ultimately makes or break us. Some people choose to run and ignore things they’ve gone through, others will use people and material things to make the negative feelings go away. These are the people that are mentally broken because they remain dependent on other people and things instead of themselves. It’s a cycle that repeats itself because they’re not open to learning from their experiences. It’s easier to place blame on anything and anyone other than yourself. God speed, betas!
When I told my friend I needed to date an alpha it’s because two TRUE alphas won’t try to overpower each other, they’ll be good at accepting and respecting each other’s strengths and they’ll be even better at finding the balance in the relationship. The beauty in all of this is that alphas make this happen naturally. The danger in it, is that it’s still dating. Just because you meet an alpha, doesn’t mean that he or she is your match. At the end of the day we all have our individual wants and needs. Also, this entire paragraph is complete BS and only what I can assume to be true because I’ve never seriously dated an alpha or been involved with anyone for maybe like longer than two months. I clearly have no idea what the hell I’m doing. But I feel like I’ve said all of it with conviction and you totally bought it. Suckers. Let’s keep going!
When I was talking to 75% Beta I told him being an alpha was hard. He said it wasn’t hard, it was easy. He said it just sucked trying to explain things to betas because they didn’t understand. I immediately agreed. But after I gave it some thought, I disagreed. There’s something he’ll never understand, and that’s what it’s like to be an alpha female. But that’s a blog post for another day.
I’m not sure when or how my alpha brofriend is going to appear, but I’m sure he’ll make some grand, alpha, blog worthy entrance and then we’ll probably run off to do some really cool alpha couples stuff. Like wear matching bro tanks and rip shots of fireball- future Christmas card? YES!
Until then, I’m pretty busy with my own alpha stuff, like dominating life. When I need a break from said domination, I’ve got my booze, my friends, my blog, a new Bieber album and I’m about to buy this Gangsta Rap coloring book and Crayola Big Box from Amazon right … meow.
I’m an alpha. I do what I want.