I remember when I first started dating I was asking some of my friends for advice and the more I talked to different people the more I became confused. Until I finally realized asking for advice about dating is a complete waste of time. 1. Your friends don’t want to see you get hurt. 2. The majority of your friends are going to give advice based on the way they date and the way you SHOULD date, not the way you actually date.
I usually have to be more careful when I talk about relationships with my guy friends. First reason, they’re insanely protective of me. If they see me question or get irritated with one thing a guy does they tell me to tell the guy to take a hike. Which is unfair, but they’re acting like big brothers. Second reason, I watch them treat girls the way they told me I shouldn’t be treated! And they actually like these girls, so it gets a little confusing!
(Seriously, when it comes to dating I don’t know what happens but we all turn into complete morons!)
I actually called Terminator out one day. He made a rookie mistake with his girlfriend (he forgot to delete his Match.com profile), idiot! She called him out, they had that uncomfortable talk and it’s all good. But I told him that if the same thing happened to me he would tell me the guy was just messing around with me, he wasn’t being serious and that I needed to get out of the situation. He laughed, because he knew I was right. Proof that sometimes our friends don’t know everything. When it comes to relationships there’s just never any telling.
Most of the time my advice is pretty stellar and I think that someone should be paying me and insane amount of money for my words of wisdom. But then there are times when I just get it wrong …
I’m probably hardest on the roommates since we spend every waking moment together, and more so with Roomie since I’ve known her longer and we’ve seen each other go through a thing or two. What’s hard here is that we understand each other’s pasts and really value and respect each other’s opinions, but we can easily forget that even though our situations are similar, we are SO different and we want and need different things. When it comes to guys and how we date, each one of us thinks the other is nuts, we’ve each got our own style.
When Roomie started dating her boyfriend I doubted it. For a while I didn’t say anything, I listened to her and every now and then she’d make a comment and say she just didn’t know. He’d come around and I’d watch him like a hawk. He treated her perfectly kind, he was a gentleman and he was always very nice to me. But I didn’t know if he was the right one for her. So finally one day, in true Queenie fashion, I word vomited all over her and told her that I didn’t think she liked him and she shouldn’t be with him and it just wasn’t a good match. I wanted her to walk away and save herself the time and trouble. She fired back. “I’M NOT LIKE YOU!”
That was all she had to say because she was right. To give you an accurate picture, I’m Buddy the Elf and she’s Walter Hobbs. She’s not an easily excitable person, if she has a fun night out with a guy she walks in the door said she had a good night and goes to bed. If I come home and have a good night with a guy I might do a jig, I might jump on the bed, I might scream, probably going to make pizza rolls.
If she would have listened to me, she definitely would have ruined a good thing. I buy her relationship now, I get it. But it took time for me to understand it, as it took time for her and her guy to figure out what they were doing. I think we’re all quick to rush things, which makes us all even quicker to give our opinions when we need to just lock it up. Because the fact of the matter is none of us really know! The two people involved in the relationship are having a hard enough time figuring it out, so how are outsiders supposed to piece it together- especially when they’re only getting one side of the story anyways.
Girls are definitely, without a doubt the worst at this. Girls can talk about and overanalyze a relationship situation for HOURS! I’ve been in perfectly fine situations, situations where I was actually comfortable and happy with the way things were going. Then I make the mistake of telling my friends and it starts- well if he really liked you he’d be doing this and saying this, if you really liked him you’d be doing this and saying this, he’s using you, you’re settling- and then all I end up doing is second guessing everything. I’ve let my friends’ comments into my head and then start doubting just about everything in life.
When the truth of the matter is this, we’re all walking contradictions which makes everyone’s dating advice null and void, even my own.
One of my girlfriends told me not to get myself involved in a long distance relationship because they never work and it’s not something she would ever choose for herself. She’s been in a long distance relationship for over a year now and everything is perfect. When it’s the right person, it’s the right person. That doesn’t mean everything is sunshine and rainbows, I think it just means you’re both willing to try and put in more effort than you would with other people.
There was a guy who asked me to go get sushi after I had once told him I didn’t like sushi, but he just wanted me to try it with him. I cut it off. I was irritated, he was the wrong guy. If he was the right guy I would have forgiven the sushi thing and I would have gone and at least tried it.
Here’s the bottom line, when it comes to dating nobody knows what they want until they find it. You can talk to your friends and get their opinions, you can read a million dating articles to find out the 857 ways to determine if he/she really likes you. But nobody and nothing can predict the fate of two people.
When it’s the right person you’re both going to come back for more because you each have just the right amount of crazy that keeps you intrigued.