“Hide-and-seek, grown-up style. Wanting to hide. Needing to be sought. Confused about being found.” – Robert Fulghum
When it comes to dating it is like hide-and-seek, and these days I spend more time hiding than I do seeking, which is quite the change from three years ago. It’s no secret my dating style, or lack-there-of, is a bit “different.” People always ask me how I’m still single and my friends are happy to answer for me since I don’t care to get into it. “Oh, she hates dates and denies everyone!” Except that opens another can of worms and then I have to explain myself.
So, once and for all I guess I’ll lay it out there so we can stop talking about it. In a way people will never understand, I know rather quickly if I want to get to know someone, like within 30 seconds. I usually have people figured out well before they have themselves figured out. I am not a time waster, so when I meet someone and they ask me to go out I either say no or make up an excuse as to why I can’t go out with them now, or ever. I’m not the girl that goes out with a guy for the free drinks and a free meal. I hate that and respect the guys’ role in the dating scene, so I’m not abusing it. And then there’s this bomb, I’ve never actually been asked out by any guy I’ve been interested in. I’ve been asked out tons of times, but they’ve never been guys I’ve wanted to spend that kind of time with. Which leads me to have never been out with a guy I liked, in public, by ourselves. Bottom line, I’m selective about my time and who I spend it with.
The whole dating scene has kind of changed me. I’m definitely way more apprehensive than I used to be, it only took being burned a few times to make me pump the brakes. For as tough as I am I bruise pretty easily, it’s not hard to get me to shut down. I’ve only been interested in a few guys and when I thought things were good I find out through Facebook that I got replaced and the other guys were still keeping their options open (putting it nicely). I understand that this is dating, there are no guarantees and you aren’t going to like every person you meet, but it doesn’t mean people’s actions don’t hurt any less.
When my married or coupled friends ask what it’s like to date, I can only explain it one way. Modern dating is the real life Hunger Games.
I mean, this arena is a complete shit show. It’s filled with a bunch of selfish control freaks that all have trust and commitment issues. They lie to everyone, including themselves, but are somehow still charming. You reach out your hand thinking you finally found someone genuine, but by the time you realize what’s happening, you start to pull your hand away only to look down and realize it’s already been cut off. You retreat, hide out for a while, try to figure out what went wrong and tell yourself you’ll be smarter next time. You meet someone again, you’re apprehensive but they’re more genuine than the last person. This time you go in for a hug and when you turn around and walk away you can feel it, the knife that just went into your back. This is the way it goes, it’s dating and it’s every man for himself. All I know is this entire scene is exhausting and I’d personally like to spend a little less time fighting and a lot more time making out with Peeta in a cave.
So for all of you couple-y people who have long forgotten what the dating world is like. Here are the common things we singles like to complain about at happy hour.
This is my absolute biggest pet peeve. I have no idea why you would tell you someone you’re going to do something and then not do it. If you tell someone you are going to call them, see them, go on a date with them- channel your inner NIKE and JUST DO IT! I had two guys ask me out before and I was actually interested, but they never followed-through. I was baffled, why say it if you don’t mean it? But you can believe I was good enough at 2am when they were lonely.
Fellas, if I’m not good enough to be out with you at 10pm, you’re not good enough to be inside of me at 2am. Suck it.
Another pet peeve. I understand that timing is awful and we may bump into someone intriguing just as we’re talking to someone else. But if you seriously start pursuing one person (because you know there’s always a front-runner) and still keep the other one around as a backup, you can go right on ahead and eff yourself. You’re not exactly being respectful of either person in this situation. And you’re not putting your full attention into something that rightfully deserves it.
People tell me all the time I shouldn’t put my eggs in one basket. Well, you know what happens when my eggs are everywhere?! They all end up scrambled.
Social Media/Dating Sites
My friends complain about this all the time and it makes me laugh, because all of you online daters and Tinderers do this. You go on a date and have a great time. Then you come home and hop back on the site to see the last time the other person was active. You’re all assholes. You’re both checking up on each other and now it looks like neither of you were serious about each other on your date. You give up before you even gave anything a chance to start. Knock it off, would ya!
I have quickly learned in dating that honesty is really the best policy. Unfortunately, not everyone else feels that way. Which leads to all of us wondering why something so great has abruptly ended or feels like it’s stuck.
My girlfriend was going out with a guy and she called me and said she was thinking about ending it because it wasn’t going anywhere. There really wasn’t anything physical that was happening and she didn’t know if it was because he was trying to be respectful or because he just wasn’t that into it. She gave it one more date and she brought it up- they’re getting married now.
I’ve made some bold moves (nobody’s shocked), it sucks but it’s necessary and leaves nobody wondering. I’ve bluntly told guys it had to end because they wouldn’t be able to handle my personality. I know what I’m like and I need someone to balance me, I can’t be messing around with the likes of David Archuleta when I need a Jay-Z.
Oh, you can all go right to hell. I’ve been on the receiving end of this and it sucks! The distraction daters are using people to get over someone else because they have yet to figure out how to man-up and work through their own issues. After a break-up, can you all do us a little favor and stay home for a while? You’re all real tricky and make us believe you’re genuinely interested when you are in fact actually using us.
Guys, stop using your dicks as weapons of vag destruction to get over a girl. Girls, stop using another guy’s wallet as your box of Kleenex to get over a guy.
Oh, boy. There’s a whole lot of issues with this category. First of all, let’s just get something straight right now. The chicks want the D as much as the bros want the V. Also, sex does in fact ruin everything. Now that that’s out of the way, moving on…
Everyone I know complains about that awkward stage. That weird beginning stage of getting to know someone. You’re not dating but you’re more than friends, but it’s way too early to have “the talk.” So you both drive yourselves bat shit crazy wondering if the other person is as serious and respectful or if you’re just a new member in their rotation. Usually you have a good idea, but I’ve come across some smooth operators, or so they thought.
I’m not the girl who believes in having more than one partner at a time, I just think it’s kind of gross and disrespectful, and one giant headache.
Some of my girlfriends brought this up too and it’s completely valid. Guys that leave after having sex- just don’t. If it’s a school night you get some leeway, but it’s still raising a red flag in the girls head. If it’s the weekend you better have a damn good excuse as to why you have to leave, especially if you’re serious about the girl.
To sum it up, if you want to park your car in the garage, you’ve got to take the whole house. You start neglecting the house, you lose your garage spot. It’s that simple.
Bringing up the past
I’ve actually never had any personal issues with this one, but I’ve listened to a number of people complain about it.
This one’s hard for me because I’m really an open book and will talk about anything. Once a guy finds out I’m divorced the wheel’s start turning and I know he’s dying to know why. I don’t mind answering the questions, but I’d rather steer clear until I’m more comfortable with the person and get the more important stuff out of the way first. Like knowing if we both agree that Khaleesi and Jon Snow would make a way better power couple than Beyoncé and Jay-Z.
Moral of this story- the past isn’t the part of life that you’re living in, so why talk about it? If your past is still very much a part of your present life, you shouldn’t be on a date with anyone else. Handle your business, alone.
The Casual Dater is actually a liar who sucks at lying.
You go out a few times, have a great time together and then get hit with the, “Yeaaahhhh, I’m just trying to keep things casual. I’m not really looking for anything serious (with you), so can we just keep it cool?” What this means is, I don’t like you, but I’m going to put up with you until I find someone better because I’m insecure and don’t like being alone.
You hop on Facebook, Twitter, and Insta a week later and BOOM! There’s Casual Dater with a gag worthy, overly hashtagged couple’s photo. #bae #soulmates #theone #truelove #sohappy #firstphoto
Casual Daters are always the first ones to go Facebook official. Brb, I have to #puke
I still don’t understand how this is even an issue. I actually hear more complaints from guys than I do girls. But can we all just put the phones down?! If a person is on their phone swiping, scrolling, texting and ignoring you- forget about it. If you want to play on your phone all night, stay home.
There is absolutely nothing more terrifying in life than dating, you’re taking a giant risk. Having to make yourself vulnerable, and putting faith and trust into someone you don’t know is absolutely terrifying. As I was complaining about all of this to Bronx one day, she said I needed to start thinking about the reward being worth more than the risk. She’s right, she’s always effing right.
I don’t like not having faith in people, and the only way to change people’s perceptions is to be different, to be Katniss. I obviously feel like a Katniss of the dating world, not just because I’m an all-around badass, but because I feel like I’m honest and genuine and will be something different for that one guy who thinks all females are the same. And he’ll be that something different for me that proves all males aren’t the same. And then we’ll make out a lot and remind each other how awesome we are.
Until then, I’ll just keep going and remind myself that nobody gets anything amazing in life by playing it safe. With risk comes the greatest rewards.