The Guys That Send Me Late Night Texts: An Analysis

In Dating, Relationships by Queenie20 Comments

For me, the worst part about being single is the late night text- anything from 2-4am. I’m an overanalyzer and an overthinker, so those texts are my worst nightmare. I usually screenshot it and send it to approximately 45 different people asking the one and only question we all ask when our phone goes off at 2am- does he like me or does he just want laid?

When I tell my dude friends that a guy late night texted me they say two things- ignore him and don’t sleep with him. But when I tell them I’ve used my skills as a supreme overanalyzer to place my nocturnal predators into four different categories, they think about it for a minute and then finally admit that I’m right. Because they’ve also been guilty of all four.

So, ladies, when a guy texts you late night it’s because …

1. HE JUST WANTS LAID

SirDixALot

Don’t overanalyze it, don’t overthink it. There’s absolutely no reason to read into anything he’s saying because “u awake,” “u up,” “hey,” they only mean one thing. I want laid.

2. HE’S OVER EAGER

eagerbeaver

This is the hot nerd category. Think IT guys and doctors. You can’t have it all, and when you have a brain that big the part responsible for social interaction doesn’t work, its science. They’re not good at picking up girls, they don’t have the lines or the charm. What they do have, is their brain, and well, nerds are hot! Especially nerds that slang weights. I can’t even.

When you go in for the kill (because he’s too shy) and he’s just figured out he’s actually landing the girl, prepare yourself. His behavior is going to change and you’re going to think he just snorted 3 lines behind your back because out of nowhere he has energy for days! What you now have on your hands is an Eager Beaver and a rapid fire late night texter. See above.

These guys are actual potentials and will fall in love, quickly. If you can get past the fact that they go from 0 to 60 when they get excited and send grammatically incorrect text messages, go for it, reply to his text. Get it, girl!

3. HE HAS LIQUID COURAGE

rico

These are the guys that like you and know they have to keep your attention because they don’t want another guy to swoop in, but they’re not the best communicators. They send really dumb texts like, “It’s cold out.” (It’s February. In Cleveland.) You forgive it because he tries, which is a lot more than other people do, and in person he’s pretty cool. He wants to ask you out and tries but it’s always awkward, he’s terrified of rejection and settles on asking your weekend plans so he can conveniently run into you. Once he’s out he’ll take a couple shots to take the edge off and then he starts blowing up your phone. Liquid courage is in full effect, here come a barrage of late night texts.

I would have been able to forgive Rico for his bad texting, but he didn’t get my sense of humor. Deal breaker. (I’m seriously a riot. At least my mom thinks so.)

4. WHO THE HELL KNOWS

bro

My only wish for the guys in this category is that they have daughters. Multiple daughters.

I hate to say that all guys are the same, but these guys, they’re the same. They promise you the moon and stars and then they back pedal. They even word vomit the same lines, maybe you’ve heard them. (Oh, when you hear any of these quality lines just add “with you” to the end of them.) Examples include but are not limited to:

I’m just not ready for a relationship (with you).

I don’t want to label anything right now (or ever, WITH YOU).

And my personal favorite …

I have commitment issues (WITH. YOU.).

Excuse. After excuse. After excuse. That’s all it ever is. You’ll answer his 2am texts like a dumbass because you’re delusional and think that maybe this time it’ll be different. But it’s not, it never is. While he may genuinely like you, it’s not enough to commit to you. You’re more than a friend and less than a girlfriend, you’re an option and he has plenty of others. Maybe you’ll realize that when he actually comes to your door texting another girl.

You’ll wonder when you’ll stop.  But first, you’ve got to find the thing that keeps you hanging on, and I’ll just give you the answer so you can move on.

You finally feel something. That’s it.

Whether its anger, hatred, excitement, it’s a rush and you FINALLY feel something for someone and it feels good. It’s addicting, you dwell on that feeling and use it to justify his behavior and give him a pass for using you and treating you like shit.

The good news here is that although you won’t believe me, you’ll find someone else who gives you that feeling and he’ll actually do something that only men know how to do.

He’ll text you when the sun’s out. So crazy!

As for Bromeo. He definitely came over to talk to me about another girl he liked but was kind enough to let me know he’d totally have sex with me. Thank God! It’s fine though. He totally respects me, he told me he did.

Swipe left.

It’s up to you whether you hook up with these guys or not. It’s your body, your life, do whatever doesn’t make you feel like shit in the morning. But I will tell you that continually sleeping with the guy will not make him commit.

My bro bestie said it best, “The most magical of vaginas won’t turn a douchebag into Prince Charming.”

 

 


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Comments

  1. Perfect perfect perfect. You’re a talented writer and I think you’re funny also! (See, it’s not just your mom)

    1. Author

      LOL! Well thank you so much, Anna. Glad you liked it- I’m gonna let my mom know someone else thinks I’m funny! 😉

  2. Im too an over thinker. I used to always think I was being really rude to guys when I would tell them my do’s and don’ts. I absolutely hate the after 10pm texts, so I would send ‘automatic’ booty call replies back to them stating its “whatever past the hour, try your text again earlier”. After reading your article, I don’t feel so bad!

    1. Author

      Omg, Naomi! I am dying at the automatic replies! lol I feel like I’m being majorly bossy when I tell a guy the do’s and don’ts, however I finally realized that because I used to never say what I liked or didn’t like, I never got what I wanted- and I could have!! I definitely don’t want to make the same mistakes again, and I’m glad you don’t feel so bad anymore. We’re all in it together!! 🙂

  3. Hey! This was so much fun to read! You are a GREAT writer!

    I’ve had a guy text me late at night for none of those reasons. Does that mean he friend zoned me?

    1. Author

      Thanks, Kele! I appreciate your kind words! 🙂 Well, I don’t know the context of his texts so it’s hard for me to say. However, I will say that I find it hard to believe a guy texting any girl late at night is trying to friend zone her. I would just text him the next day and see what he wanted. If he doesn’t take the time to respond to you during the day and continues to message you at night, you’ll know what he’s after. Good luck!! 🙂

  4. I love love love this entry! I wish I read it earlier. this is like a bible! haha I slept with this guy for 2 years (I know, what’s wrong with me?!?) and he kept telling me that he was not ready for a commitment. I lied to myself thinking that he was going to commit. He changed 3 months ago and I knew something was not right…. I kept asking him why was he distant and he kept telling me that it was because he had stress and needed time to be alone. he lied to me!!! I checked his fb account and found out the was dating a girl, taking her to places while I was only getting a text late at night! I’m heart broken but I’m more mad at myself for not walking away… I should know better. thanks for an amazing article!

    1. Author

      Thanks, Karly!! (Sorry I fell off the grid for a minute!) And I’ve been there, we all have, just don’t be so hard on yourself. He did you a favor and helped you learn an important lesson about what you actually deserve- and it’s way better than him! Keep doing your thing and the right one will appear. 🙂

  5. This was an awesome read , and this sentence really had me thinking. “More than a friend,less than a girlfriend”.
    No more responding to late night texts for me.
    Thanks Queenie 😊

    1. Author

      Aww thank you!! 😊 It took me a while to realize I had to stop responding! #babysteps

  6. Hi Queenie

    I love your article!Is it normal for a guy to text us late night just to wish happy holiday?

    1. Author

      Hi Sha! Thank you so much!! Well, I think the holidays can be a little tricky because people are busy. If he texts to say happy holiday, that’s cool, but if he texts to say happy holiday come over- that’s a different story! haha Look for consistency, he should text you regularly and want to see you- and not just at night. If that’s all he’s doing, move along pretty lady!! 🙂

  7. What if he texts you every night late at night just with animal emjioes and the adventure time stickers. And he does not respond intill late at night the next night what does this mean?????????

    1. Author

      Hey Sandy! Well, if a guy was only texting me animal emojis and adventure time stickers I’d probably text him back a middle finger. 😉 I can only tell you from personal experience that the guys that actually like me text me during the day and use words instead of emojis. Unfortunately, if we have to analyze and ask what it means when a guy does something, it usually means he’s not all that serious. Go out, have fun and don’t pay attention to the people that aren’t paying enough attention to you!

  8. Omg I love this!!!! Would be honored if you’d analyze my very own late night texter (11:45pm) asking me what I did during the day and what I was currently doing (I erased it so dunno exact words, he was trying to be cheeky and used some random big words like transformational). This is after just meeting him that same day, wherein we had an amazing hour long conversation while moving a couch. It was full sparks flying mode. He texted me an hour after I met him saying that he’d like to spend more time with me and I said sure (he’s nerdy smart living a bohemian anti-establishment lifestyle). I expected him to like call me to arrange the “more time together,” but instead, he sent a late night text. Thankfully my phone was dead and I didn’t see it till the morning. I think I said an audible “@&$!” When I saw the time stamp. This girl was hopeful about this one! I feel like it’s disrespectful for guys to even think to text a female that late. Wth? Was he testing the booty call waters? Is he just that inconsiderate? Is he a child living in a damn near 40 year old body? Is it the universe telling me once again to run away? I never responded. I admit I’m fighting responding, something about his utter complete Adonis like hotness, green eyes and freaky smartness got me all twisted. This is a red flag right? I’ve gotta stop ignoring the red flags, they’ve gotten me in so much of absolutely nothing that I want. Too, now that I’ve ignored, what if he calls me or texts me again? Does one late night text seal the coffin on a potential? Or, am I being blind to the fact that there is no potential with a guy that comes staright outta the gate like this. The force is weak in this one! Not really, I’m actually tough…I guess I’m just mourning the loss of the best conversation on several leves, that I’ve had – ever with a guy. This has been cathartic, thank you, you completely slay.

  9. Oh wow. Very clever. Not sure why I didn’t think of it earlier, thank you for empowering me with perspective!

    I’m a sucker for the late texts because I’m a night owl and only need about 4 hours of sleep a night. I usually reply out of boredom (or the previous glasses of wine that caught up to me). Then later on, it’s hard for me to take the guy seriously and respond to his daytime text messages.
    “What?! Now I’m confused?! We didn’t sign up for this!!!”

    Loved the article btw
    Very insightful.

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