I met Aladdin when I was in the gym of my building. I was on the floor doing a very strange, but useful, booty exercise. When I finished my last set I got up and he gave me a puzzled look.
“Were you just doing Kegels?”
I laughed and knew we were going to be best friends. We swapped numbers and he text me that night to come up to his amazing penthouse and collect two beers that wouldn’t fit in his fridge, he has OCD and couldn’t just let them sit. We got to talking and we found out we were both the same age and both divorced. We were even bigger best friends.
We spent a lot of time together talking about our divorces, jobs, life, and dating. At the same time we met he also found his Jasmine.
I first met Jasmine over Skype, she’s a way prettier Disney Jasmine- sans pet tiger. She’s fun and intelligent and when she comes to visit Aladdin she makes breakfast for me and Roomie. She really takes care of all of us. We’re all winning with that relationship.
Through them I met Ace and Gary. They’re the buildings most fabulous gay couple, they also have a gorgeous penthouse and exquisite taste in fancy beers and cars. They also make pretty bad ass Moscow Mules- and cupcakes.
Through them, Roomie and I met my twin. Which for Roomie was a tad overwhelming, I don’t think she thought it was possible that another one of me actually existed. But we didn’t meet on New Year’s Day, like we were supposed to. We met on New Year’s Eve.
The neighbors told us about a new girl that bought one of the NBA player’s penthouses. She was also divorced and they insisted she was my twin and together the three of us would be quite the trio. A group text was started and appropriately named (The Real World Cleveland). It was decided we would all get together New Year’s Day at Ace and Gary’s to officially meet the Twin and have more drinks.
Roomie and I headed to a local bar for New Year’s Eve, one of our friends rented out the basement. The bar started to get more and more packed and as you looked around it was a reminder that just about everyone had someone whether it was their “winter blanket” or someone they were actually dating. It seemed like everyone showed up with someone.
Roomie was standing alone at a table and I walked over, she was crying- in a very non awkward way so she wouldn’t draw attention. Then I almost started crying, because looking at people cry makes me want to cry and because I just got it. She missed her boyfriend (yep, she has a b/f, but he was out of town), she looked around and saw the same thing I saw, we’ve had our fun and you finally just get to a point where you say when is it going to be my turn? Now, we know we’ve already been married and everyone wants what we had. But no matter what side of the fence you’re on, you always want what’s on the other side.
A few minutes later our cell phones went off, it was Twin.
“Girls, I know we’ve never met and I don’t know you. But I’m stuck in couple’s hell. Can I come and meet you?”
Roomie and I started laughing and I text her back telling her to come.
“What do you guys look like send me a pic!”
And that’s the only time I’ve ever replied to a “send me a pic” text.
We asked her to send one back. She sent a picture of her and Jasmine.
“I’m not the Indian.”
As soon as she showed up we got six shots and three drinks. It was time to get serious and turn this night around. And that. We. Did.
The next morning afternoon I woke up. I walked into the living room, Roomie was already on the couch with her coffee (she beat me home from the night before).
“What the hell happened?”
Because it’s me and it’s a valid question, something ALWAYS happens.
“I DON’T KNOW! Someone stole my coat, I lost my keys! I can’t find my keys, I don’t know how I got in last night. Can you help me find my keys? “
We proceeded to move furniture, flip cushions, and then finally I found my keys right by my bed. I have no explanation for that one …
Twin text, “Did you find your coat? I lost my dignity last night.”
“My coat’s gone, lost my morals and pride too.”
It had to be a twin thing.
It took us all a few hours and a lot of greasy food, but we got it together and headed to Ace and Gary’s in our comfiest PJs. We sat around for hours talking, we actually had a pretty serious bonding session that night and I felt extremely fortunate to be surrounded by such great people. Twin wanted to know why Roomie and I were divorced and we all shared our stories. She told us she got divorced because her husband was an alcoholic. We really were quite the trio.
After that night we became inseparable and a new group text was formed- The Real Divorcees of Cleveland. We talked a lot about all of the same things we experienced, because we really don’t have any friends our age that can identify. Most of our friends are still racing to the altar, having babies or moving to the suburbs. A lot of people I know or meet don’t understand why I choose to live my life the way I do, and it’s the same story for Twin and Roomie. The three of us got the chance to hit the do-over button, not a lot of people get that chance, or allow themselves the opportunity.
If you got the chance to live your life differently what would you do? We’re busy answering that question. While most people think we make crazy decisions, we’re regressing, and we’re experiencing some kind of crisis- we’re really not. What we don’t advertise on Facebook is that we’re actually really put together, so much so, that we intimidate most of the men we meet. We put a lot of focus on our careers, we treat relationships very differently, we know what we want and don’t want, and we aren’t shy about vocalizing just about anything.
We met at Twin’s one night and watched as she struggled to make us dinner. After we put out the fire- she put a paper towel right next to the burner- we sat down to eat and had a discussion. Twin needed some serious cooking lessons, Roomie needed a place to plant her herbs and flowers and I needed a place to write. There was only one solution, we would all move in together, the penthouse would officially become the new home of the three divorcees. We all laughed at the absurdity of the situation, we met at a bar and two weeks later decided to move in together. But it wasn’t so absurd considering that exactly what Roomie and I did two years ago.
We broke the news to the neighbors and they all died laughing. I’m 100% sure Ace and Gary will take all of the credit for this because as soon as I told them they said, “WE KNEW YOU’D GET ALONG!” I still don’t know if they are more excited for us or more excited for the stories and entertainment that are going to come along with this living arrangement.
I really dreaded New Year’s Eve. I do every year. But this year I just wasn’t looking forward to it, I really wanted it to go a certain way and it just didn’t. The things that I wanted to happen never did. But the things I didn’t know I wanted to happen, did. Maybe it was luck, maybe it was fate, but whatever it was, it was perfect.
Cheers to 2015, a new roommate, a new home, great friends, and one hell of a housewarming/Roomie turns 30 party!
*If the men of Cleveland would like to help us move furniture up a few floors, we’re now accepting applications. Please send shirtless photos of you flexing and we’ll let you know if you’re hired. We’ll pay you in food and alcohol.