Computer Love

In Dating, Divorced, Love, Relationships, Single by Queenie0 Comments

Social media does nothing but complicate the world of dating. Having been married and only using social media as a way to stay in touch with friends and family, I would have never dreamed this other side would have existed. But the day came when I changed my relationship status from married to single and social media turned into the real life Hunger Games arena. It’s a complete war zone and trying to maneuver your way through likes, pokes, comments, retweets, favorites, and snaps makes it damn near impossible to figure out.

As soon as I changed my status to single my Facebook Messenger inbox blew up. Most of the messages were unflattering and impersonal. First of all, if you have my phone number, why are you messaging me through social media? You’re only telling me you’re insecure and using the internet as your safe place because you’re afraid I’m going to reject you. Which I’m inevitably going to do anyways because you’re doing nothing to make me feel like I stand out. You’re sending a generic message, you’re throwing it out there and if I respond that’s cool and if I don’t respond, then that’s cool too. When I do reply to be nice and you respond with something sexual, forget about it. It’s not cute, you won’t recover and I won’t take you seriously. You’ve made your bed and I hope it includes a body pillow because you definitely won’t be holding on to me at night.

I also spend my time dodging Facebook Pokes, which are a nuisance to single girls everywhere. Pokes, in all actuality are nothing but a guy coming at you with his little virtual penis letting you know he wants to bang you. I cringe every time and I won’t poke back and engage in this ridiculous game. Pokes induce the same kind of panic I get when my Snapchat notification goes off, please don’t be a dick pic.

Boys- have you taken the time to look at your little member? Here’s one line that you will NEVER hear a girl say- “Wow, that’s a great looking penis!” Nope. Never. Plus, talking about your penis and how great you are in bed is like bragging about how much money you have. It’s unbecoming and you will continue to spend your nights alone complaining that you can’t find a good girl, because a good girl can see right through you and won’t put up with that. So stop it. Act like a man, a gentleman. It’s going to get you a lot farther and laid a lot faster. Trust me.

While we’re discussing Snapchat, here’s something else that REALLY bothers me. Getting a snap that says, “send me a pic”. I feel incredibly insulted every time. I will not EVER send you a pic because I have too much respect for myself and my body and you CERTAINLY are not treating me like a lady. I doubt that you even respect me and I would in no way date you. I understand that girls are voluntarily sending tit pics (but not including their faces so it’s totally ok, eye roll) and that’s what guys have now become accustomed to. But when I’ve asked guys if they would ever date these girls they all say the same thing- “No, I don’t want my future girlfriend sending pics like that. If she’s sending them to me she’s sending them to other guys.” Both parties are at fault and the behavior is not ok!

There was a time I remember having to call someone’s house and talk to their parents before I talked to my friend or love interest. I think there’s a lot to be said for that and with the introduction of social media and cell phones, real face to face communication has become a lost art form. People don’t know when to put their phones down and their idea of flirting is connecting through every social media avenue in existence. When it comes to face to face interaction, everyone’s at a loss for words and if a person doesn’t immediately get what he or she wants,  they hop right back on their phones and start scrolling and swiping. They put zero effort into dating because they don’t have to.

And that’s just it, nobody tries. To an extent we all want to take the easy route, but its life, and Ohio, and 9 times out of 10 the easy route is always under construction.

Nobody likes rejection, and in person it’s awful. I’ve seen girls and guys laugh in each other faces and it’s downright cruel. It takes a lot of courage for anyone to walk up to another person and say hello and compliment them, it’s easier to sit behind a computer screen and use social media to do the same. Because if we don’t get a retweet or a like or a message back, the reassurance we need to know that we got the green light, it’s easier to forget about. Take all of these social media users and give them an actual dating app and you’ve got yourself a three ring circus.

Enter Tinder.

There has been no other app in the world that I have been more fascinated with than Tinder. For those of you that don’t know, Tinder is an app that you use in a superficial manner to find a love connection. You set your mile radius, your age range and whether you’re looking for males or females. You’re presented with a single photo and you have to swipe left or right. Left means you’re not interested, right means you’re interested. If you swipe left you’re then presented with the next person. If you swipe right and that person has also swiped right on your photo then it’s a match and you two can now chat. Yes, it’s all based on looks.

I started asking more and more friends about this app and the majority will say it’s used to meet people and hook-up. To which I blurted out, “People really need to use an app to find someone to have sex with?!” The answer is yes. But I actually know some people that have found their boyfriends and girlfriends on Tinder, which blew my mind.

I had so many questions about this little gem of an app and am thoroughly convinced the only people that use Tinder are those that have severe social issues. I needed to know the type of people that were using this. Were they good looking, is anyone really looking for love, what’s the ROI (return on investment), was this a virtual island of misfit toys? I was insanely curious.

The more I talked about it, the more this sounded like a real shit show, a shit show that I needed to be a part of! And much like the time I had to take one for the team in Vegas and make-out with some Jersey bro to secure free drinks for me and my friends all night, I am once again taking one for the team and joining Tinder so I can blog about it and deliver my findings!

So this past week Roomie and I headed to happy hour and we did it. We installed Tinder on our phones and began swipe, swipe, swiping away! Left, right, right, but mostly left- let’s be serious. I had no idea there were so many bearded, rifle loving outdoorsmen in the CLE! They all got knocked to the left, I don’t shop at Bass Pro Shops or Cabelas, camo’s not a good look for me.

Anyone that was in a tent or took nature loving photos got swiped to the left, they would probably eventually ask me to go camping and be really disappointed when I showed up in my stilettos holding a can of Raid. Womp womp, I hate nature. Those that got swiped to the right, well … I appreciate a good bro tank- swiped right for my tickets to that gun show! Any guy in a suit, Amen! Never underestimate the power of a suit. Any guy that took a beach resort photo, I too love drinks with umbrellas in them, swipe right! And any guy that had the trifecta- smile, arms, eyes. TRIPLE THREAT! Hard right!

In the midst of my swiping I immediately felt guilty. I felt like some of these guys were probably really awesome people that I would enjoy going out with but I was judging them by a photo and it was REALLY bothering me. I didn’t operate like this, I’m a people person. While I was trying to sort through my internal struggle I was caught Tindering. The guy next to me at the bar called me out! I was immediately embarrassed and told him I was in fact Tindering but I was doing it to write a post for my blog. He laughed and didn’t seem convinced, said that’s why everyone else was on it too, they were all writing blogs about it. Then he told me if I found him not to swipe left. He bought me and Roomie our next round and his friend bought us some shots. Tinder for the win!

It was at that moment that I knew this was going to be really difficult for me. This was what I liked, being out, talking to people. I thrive on personal interaction and chatting through an app trying to get to know someone was going to make me CRAZY!

Sure enough the messages started, this thing was gold! Here were some of the one-liners (FYI- I set my age range from 26-42):

You’re 32?!? WOW … (Come on bro)

So, you like younger guys huh? (Yes. But really?!)

Do you like Harry Potter? I’d like to put my basilisk in your chamber of secrets. (This guy follows Buzzfeed. At least we have something in common.)

It all starts here (What?)

No, I did not talk to any of these guys. I talked to a slew of others, but had the best “luck” with an Indians player, a 26 year old, a 27 year old and a 34 year old.

Sadly, I had to break up with my baseball player b/f. Something told me he wasn’t after my heart. Maybe it was the repeated texts asking me to come to his hotel. Who knows. I double booked myself Saturday for drinks with the 26 and 27 year olds and got double stood up. They both stopped talking to me and never followed up with plans. I clearly got out Tindered by another clever girl. Damn my lack of sexual aggression in my Tinder chats!

And then there was the 34 year old. He succeeded and yes, this weekend I actually went out on a date.

In my next post I’ll detail the date and my complete findings on the use of Tinder. Stay tuned …








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