When I was younger I used to stare in the mirror and wonder two things, who I would marry and when I would get boobs. I’m now 32 and still wondering the same two things. I can’t say I’m in any hurry to say “I do” again, turns out choosing a guy isn’t as easy as choosing a new Bombshell. Dating is fun, but it’s definitely draining, and no matter how old you get putting yourself out there never gets any easier. However, I have realized through various conversations and lots of observing, that when it comes to dating sometimes it’s not always the other person that’s the problem. Take a look at your dating history, I mean REALLY take a look and think about it. Maybe it was actually you that had the issues, not the other person! It’s a hard thing to admit, but then again maybe you don’t realize it. So, here are 12 things you need to understand and potentially fix to make sure you’re not the problem dater.
- Go into dating with an open mind. The first step to this is trashing that list of requirements you have, because the person you want and the person you need are entirely different. If you’re trying to meet someone according to a checklist you’ve created, I can assure you he/she doesn’t exist. As much as you want to force that square peg into a round hole, it’s not going to fit. Once you ditch your list and open yourself up, you’ll be amazed at all of the great people you meet. Not everyone will be a perfect match, we’re all after something a little different and that’s ok! But each person will teach you a little bit more about what you like and don’t like and one of those people may actually turn out to be a great friend, it happened to me! If being open minded is going to be difficult for you, then let me provide you with a link to your future- you can call me Clio, here’s your free reading, www.petfinder.com/cats.
- Everyone’s idea of dating is different. Some people like to do the whole dinner and a movie thing, others prefer drinks at a bar (by others I mean me). Some people find it perfectly normal to date multiple people at the same time, some don’t. Figure out where you fall and make no apologies for your dating style, it’s not wrong! But you need to understand that people you might like are going to bow out because they don’t like your style, you need to be ok with it.
- Nobody knows what the hell they’re doing. You will find comfort in this over and over again. My girl and guy friends will call me after a date and ask me if they did everything right and then ask me what they should do next, I call them and ask the same things. Here’s what you do next- whatever you want! If the other person likes you and is interested, they’re not going to care what you do or say or how many emoji kissy faces you send them, it’s just going to work!
- Social Media will be the bane of your existence. You think you’re Sherlock Holmes doing some epic detective work when in all actuality you’re operating more like Inspector Gadget, you’re making a MESS, and the story you’ve created in your head is the next New York Times bestseller. My stalking of every guy I’m ever interested in has revealed that guys NEVER remove pictures of their exes, you can actually see a timeline of their dating history. By this point I’ve learned men are just highly lazy and removing pictures from Facebook requires too much effort, I get it. BUT, gentlemen, on behalf of every girl everywhere, if you’re over your chic get rid of the pics. When you’re single, social media is an advertising tool. If you want us to buy what you’re selling, then you better clean it up, because what you’re saying and what we see don’t match. The 72 pictures of you and your ex let us know you’re not over it, you might as well make a red flag your profile pic cause we won’t bother with you. Now guys- all of those pictures you find of your lady interest posing in seductive ways with very good looking men- they’re all gay. We want to make you jealous, and we want you to see just how much every guy wants us, even if the only ones that want us are gay, you don’t need to know that! (The straight ones won’t pose with us because they don’t want their girlfriends or potentials to see them tagged in any such photo, it will only cause trouble.) Also guys, if your potential’s Facebook or Instagram is dominated by selfies- RUN! Ladies, on behalf of every guy everywhere STOP IT with the damn selfies! Pictures are worth a thousand words and not one of those words used to describe you is good. You’re sending the wrong message! You’re telling every guy out there that you’re high maintenance, stuck-up, self-centered, needy, clingy, and the list goes on and on. I know you’re just trying to find love by advertising your hot bod on the internet, let me connect you with some males who are also doing the same thing, www.petfinder.com/cats.
- You need to love yourself if you plan on loving someone else. We all have our issues, we’ve all been beaten up, but if you haven’t forgiven yourself for whatever relationship issues you’re holding onto you need to do that now! Even if whatever happened WAS your fault, you’ve got to take the advice of Milli Vanilli and blame it on the rain, the rain don’t mind! You may not realize it, but when you are unhappy with yourself you’re a tiny little ball of negativity and it seeps out in different ways, your words, your tone, even your jokes! You may think you’re covering it up, but you’re not. We can all see it. You’re completely broken and you’re a project, nobody wants a project and nobody can fix you! If you don’t believe me, look at Humpty Dumpty, all the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t even put him back together. They left him! We don’t even know what happened to him! Take a full time out, put yourself back together and then get back in the game!
- Whether you like it or not, dating is a game and you’re playing. Remember when you were little and you and your brother/sister would be so excited to play Mario and then by the end of it someone always ended up crying? Yeah, dating is the same. Playing games can be really fun, it should be playful and exciting, but you’re going to be up against a lot of people who are on different experience levels, some are even playing a different game entirely. You will cry. Whenever you need to, put the game on pause and take a break, but you’re going to have to get back in there sooner or later.
- Accept the fact that you’re going to get your heart broken. But know that you’re going to break hearts too. One doesn’t hurt any less than the other, they both suck!
- Listen to yourself, not other people. When it comes to dating everyone’s going to have an opinion and they are going to tell you how you should date. Some of my girlfriends expect phone calls when they start dating a guy and they think it’s weird that I actually prefer texting (I find comfort in the fact that my man can form grammatically correct sentences). The other thing people have always grilled me about are long distance relationships. One of the first guys I liked lived in Columbus. My friends told me long distance relationships didn’t work and I needed someone in Cleveland. I disagreed. You can imagine their reaction when I flew to Iowa to see a hockey hottie I fell in love with in Vegas (YOLO)! Starting a long distance relationship doesn’t bother me. If whatever you’re doing is working for you, keep doing it! Don’t justify what you are or aren’t doing to anyone. You could end up ruining something really good by listening to everyone else.
- All guys and all girls are not the same! Don’t assume the last person you liked or dated will be the same as the next. I don’t want to be compared to your ex, I don’t care that we might wear the same perfume or both have a thing for Justin Bieber, I’m not her. I’m sick of seeing your Facebook posts and your tweets whining about all girls and all guys being the same. Not all girls are after money and not all guys want to use you for sex. I’m sorry you had a bad experience, but let’s talk about what you’re really mad about. You’re mad that somebody bruised your ego and instead of thinking about the situation and learning from it, you choose to insult the entire male/female population in an attempt to make yourself feel better. See #10, I’d tell you to visit www.petfinder.com/cats but you probably already had a cat that was mean and think the next one will be the same.
- You need to be positive! Dating isn’t all that bad, learn to laugh at yourself and the situations you find yourself in. If you start saying the word “never,” you need to remember the wise words spoken by Justin Bieber and Fievel Mousekewitz- never say never (see the About Me page)! One thing I actually hate is when I hear people say they will NEVER meet anyone worth dating in a bar. I go to bars all the time and I think I’m one hell of a catch and I’ve met lots of guys at bars that are amazing! As long as you continue with your attitude and your negativity you’re never going to find anyone- ANYWHERE! All you’re doing is slowly infecting other people with your negative vibes and nobody wants to be around you. I’d paste the Pet Finder link here for you too but even cats don’t like negativity and they would hide from you.
- Communication is key! When you’re face to face with someone, you’re going to need to put your phone down, seriously just put it away! Communication, in every form (face to face, call, text, social media) will make or break any relationship whether it’s just starting or whether you’re celebrating your 10th wedding anniversary. There’s going to come a point where you’re just going to need to say whatever you’re thinking. If you want a relationship to move forward, tell the person you’re interested. If you want a relationship to end, tell the person it’s over. This is not Hogwarts, things don’t just magically happen. If you want it to happen you need to make it happen, and you need to start by opening your mouth and letting the words come out. You’ll feel better. Trust me.
- Ladies, MAKE THE FIRST MOVE! We always expect the guy to approach us and believe it or not they’re just as nervous (it’s true, all of my guy friends confirmed it)! So you do it, and then you’re really going to appreciate the next time a guy walks up to you and hits on you. Don’t say you can’t, because you CAN! I’ve experienced plenty of failures, but I just keep telling myself I have nothing to lose! You really have nothing invested with this person so you might as well go for it and at least say you tried! I don’t know which stage any of you ladies are in, but here are three examples (beginner, intermediate, advanced):
Beginner: After much deliberation and approximately three Fireball shots I walked up to a guy and said, “Hey, I’m on my way out, but you are really cute.” He glazed over and then smiled and said thanks, he returned the compliment and told me he never had a girl say that to him before. He was completely thrown and nervous. We never exchanged numbers and I was ok with it, I didn’t know what to do, so I awkwardly walked away and appreciated the fact that I paid a guy a compliment and he liked it! It gave me the boost I needed! At the beginner level that’s all you need, a boost.
Intermediate: I spent my first single New Year’s in Columbus. A guy walked in the bar and just like Babe Ruth pointed in the direction of the homerun he was going to hit, I pointed at the guy I was going to kiss and said, “That one.” By midnight I was locking lips with the hottie that I Babe Ruthed. To this day I still can’t believe that happened!! The intermediate level takes some finesse. Wear a low cut shirt.
Advanced: I hijacked a guy on his blind date and went out with him the next night (whoops)! That story deserves its own post. I even had to call my mom and tell her about that one! If you’re at the advanced level you have balls of steel. Get it, girl!
Ok, ladies! Here’s your challenge, find a guy this weekend, hit on him and buy him a beer. Hashtag #BeersForBoys as proof, even if it turns out to be an epic failure, a picture gets you bonus points and a chance to share your story on my blog. (Guys, you’re welcome- and if you are the recipient of a free beer from a lovely lady, you can use the hashtag too!) Ladies, there are TONS of great guys out there. Find them, compliment them, buy them a beer! They deserve it, and they deserve your attention.
Now fix yourselves up and get ready to conquer love this weekend, or at least make a valiant effort! Happy dating, my dears. If you need my wingman services, call me maybe. 🙂